


a glock in the dark, a step in the park

by lydiaaaa



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M, Original Character(s), assassinations, ben can’t climb a tree, chaotic boys in the park hiding in a bush, count chocula eats children, granny likes meth, haha policeman trips, its 3 in the morning and they forgot the night vision goggles, it’s fucking DARK outside, ronan has a drone, sand castles, they barely know how to use it though, they have a GUN, they shoot innocent civilians by accident cause because
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydiaaaa/pseuds/lydiaaaa
Summary: ben and ronan are on a mission to assassinate count chocula. the only problem is, they forgot the night vision goggles and it’s three in the morning. as they fail to hit their targets, they manage to somehow hit innocent civilians. can they escape the park police?
Relationships: Benjamin/Ronan
Kudos: 1





	a glock in the dark, a step in the park

**Author's Note:**

> i was bored okay leave me alone

the setting is a dark cloudless night. it is three in the fucking morning and two boys are hiding in the bushes of a local park ready to assassinate their target. problem is, their dumbasses forgot the goddamn night vision goggles back at their shitty apartment. a very large oversight if i may say. while they may have forgotten the goggles, i’m happy to announce that they have in fact NOT forgotten the gun. what a momentous day. 

as we come closer to the scene we hear some grumbling and rustling coming from the bush the two boys are hiding in. 

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me ben.”

“what is it”, ben says as he trips trying to climb his way out of the bush

“we forgot the fucking night vision goggles. how the hell am i supposed to shoot the bitch without the goggles. i cant see a thing!”

while ronan is digging frantically through his backpack, ben is making his way to the children’s sand pit cause you know, it’s a park dumbass

ben may be a grown ass man but that is NOT going to stop him from building the best goddamn sand castle the world has ever seen

“oh man ronan i bet that sucks. i’m pretty sure you can still hit the target even though it is pretty dark out here.”

“did you really just say ‘sucks to be you’ to me benjamin. i will divorce your ass here and now”.

ben says quite sheepishly, “oh sorry i didn’t mean it like that”

“how the fuck else would you have mean it?!” ronan says sounding exasperated and a little confused 

as their one-sided argument continues, an old lady emerges from her bedroom and makes her way down the stairs of her house across the street from the park to get some water. cause why else would an old lady be in her kitchen at 3 in the morning.

‘drugs’ says a voice deep in the confines of my small brain. i decide to ignore it as the old lady reaches into her cabinet and pulls out a bottle labeled ‘granny’s crystal meth’. she then slips a few of the pills into her nice, cold glass of water. don’t look at me like that. granny needs some hard drugs to get her through a day of her old ass husband’s whining about how the recliner no longer goes back as far as it used to.

as ben goes back to the bush to go sit with ronan, he somehow manages to trip on a stray rock and/or stick and lands right on his unsuspecting boyfriend. BOOM. the gun fires and hits poor granny right in the left boob as she just about finishes her refreshing glass of water and hard drugs.

as granny tumbles to the floor, ronan and ben slowly turn their heads to look at each other with the widest eyes they could make.

“holy shit” ronan whispers

“holy shit” ben says as he nods his head

“we fucking shot an old lady in the boob”

“maybe just ignore it?” says ben as he grimaces

“good plan let’s go with it. but first benny my love, is she dead?!”

“doesn’t matter anymore. out of sight out of mind”

“you scare me sometimes”

“oh sorry”

as ben finishes his sentence, granny’s husband hobbles his way down the stairs, sees the body, and peers out of the window in his kitchen. when he remembers that he’s really old and that the glass is VERY shattered, he puts his glasses on. ronan and ben definitely can’t hear what the old guy is saying, but he shrugged and probably said something along the lines of ‘oh well’ as he walks his happy ass up the stairs and back to bed.

grandpa doesn’t give a shit. i wonder why granny consumes so much crystal meth don’t you?

as soon is grandpa is out of their line of vision, ronan and ben rush to their feet and grab their things.

“what should we do ben?! we still have a fucking mission to complete! should we run or do we stay and finish it”

“umm i guess we stay? we really do have to complete this mission or else Count Chocula might devour more children’s souls!”

“oh shit i forgot about that. that sneaky bastard. i’m gonna murder him someday”

“we gotta find a new hiding spot and fast before the park police catch us”

“well we gotta find a spot that’s gonna hide your tall ass body cause you sure aren’t going to fit under a park bench”

as ronan looks around the park, he sees a tree not too far from their original hiding spot aka the smallest fucking bush known to man. don’t know how ben got his tall ass in there but he somehow managed it. kudos to you benny

“that tree over there is probably the best we’re going to get ben”

“but... i don’t know how to climb a tree”

“just fuckin like use your legs and climb it or something”

“that explains nOtHiNg”

“suck it up buttercup get your ass up there”

after a few minutes of trial and error, both boys manage to find themselves tucked away in the tree’s branches. all that’s left for their mission is to shoot the bitch and then get their asses out of the hellscape that is the local park. 

while ben seems content to latch onto the tree with the strength of a mother grizzly bear, ronan is quite determined to complete the mission. at the moment he’s trying his best to reload the gun, but i don’t think he knows how. after a few minutes of fiddling with it he just gives up and keeps his eye out for the target: Count Chocula. 

at this point in the story, a baby has awoken from its not so deep sleep. it’s cries could be heard throughout the household so not too long after, it’s mother comes from her bedroom to see what’s wrong. after trying and trying, the mother has tried nearly everything to calm the wailing infant down, so the only option left is to take the loud ass child out for some air. 

i bet you’re wondering, ‘what the hell does a fucking annoying ass baby have to do with the story?’. well, you’ll see quite soon. 

as soon as the mother takes a step onto her porch, ronan slips a little on the tree he is perched precariously on. before he knows it, he accidentally pulls the trigger, and once again, he has shot an innocent civilian. oh but dear reader, this time he has not only shot ONE civilian, but TWO. 

as the mother and her child crumple to the ground (cause you know, they got SHOT, idiot), ronan and ben share a look of absolute horror. they both silently agree that they need to get the FUCK out of there before the park police come and arrest their asses for three cases of homicide. 

they climb down the tree as fast as their legs can go and just as they reach the ground, the mf park police arrive at the scene. ben and ronan look like deer caught in a headlight but not long after, both boys break into a sprint. 

“BEN I CANT RUN VERY FAST PICK ME UP. MY LITTLE LEGS CANT DO THIS FOR VERY MUCH LONGER”

“UH OKAY HURRY UP GET OVER HERE”

“MAYBE IF YOU DIDNT HAVE SUCH LONG ASS LEGS I COULD CATCH UP WITH YOU. SLOW THE HELL DOWN FOR A MINUTE”

ben somewhat misunderstood what ronan meant and slung his like a potato sack over his shoulder. ronan very much does not like this and was hoping for a piggyback ride. nevertheless, it is quite helpful to the current situation the boys are facing. the park policeman is getting closer by the second, but luckily ronan remembers he has a drone in his backpack. he quickly digs it and it’s corresponding controller out of his pack and powers it up. 

“BEN I HAVE AN IDEA AND YOU PROBABLY WONT LIKE IT. ALSO MR POLICEMAN I AM INCREDIBLY GAY AND IF YOU CONTINUE TO CHASE ME YOURE A BIG FAT HOMOPHOBE”

“RONAN NO”

“SIR YOUVE COMMITTED THREE ACTS OF HOMICIDE” says the policeman, potbelly shaking furiously as he runs. 

“YES AND”

“THATS HIGHLY ILLEGAL”

“EAT DRONE POLICE BITCH” screeches ronan 

“RONAN YOU CANT SAY THAT HES THE POLICE” says ben exasperated 

the drone has fully powered on and is ready for flight. luckily ronan is a stunt drone driver cause that’s fucking hilarious okay

the drone lifts off and with a little not-so-careful maneuvering, ronan manages to trip the policeman so he falls flat on his face. 

“TOKYO DRIFT THAT ASSHOLE” cries ronan

a victory yell definitely followed shortly after 

stupid gremlin child why does ben put up with you

ben has a slightly horrified look on his face but he’s kinda proud because ronan just fucking tripped a cop with a drone in close range. 

T O K Y O D R I F T I N G 

as ronan and ben eventually reach the edge of the park, they continue to run but not nearly as fast as when they first began. and if you’re wondering why (you probably are), it’s because ronan’s backpack is full of so much dumb shit and ben cannot possibly carry his boyfriend AND his 47 bouncy balls and ridiculous surplus of yo-yos for a long distance. 

after another minute or two, ben dodges behind a building and sets ronan down. 

ben says as he struggles to catch his breath, “okay i think we lost him”

“alright thanks for carrying me.”

as ronan goes to put the drone and it’s respective controller back in his bag, in the light of the nearby building he sees the goggles sitting near the bottom of his bag. 

“ben” says ronan deadpanned

“yes ronan?”

“the goggles were in the bag the whole time. i just couldn’t see them cause it was dark”

“you’ve GOT to be kidding me”

“i wish i was benny. i wish i was”


End file.
